Protecting the accusers, no help for the accused

I want to tell you a story, the story of a minister, a good man, and an excellent preacher. It's one I've never really told online before.

There was once this Baptist minister, who had worked his way through college and seminary; and he was a good man and an excellent preacher, who followed his calling faithfully. Then one day, totally unaware of it, he angered a director of missions of a local Baptist association (still to this day, he doesn't know what set him off); who set about ruining this minister's reputation as a pastor. Being unaware of this, the man went about his calling and his ministry. By the time the minister became aware of it, it was too late. His ministry was ruined. This caused him great financial hardship, and he eventually quit trying to pastor altogether. The secular jobs he took ruined his knees, and today he is disabled, and hasn't been to church in years.

That minister is my husband.

In 2016, it will be 20 years since one man's lies about my husband started us on this downward financial spiral, that we haven't been able to stop yet. Flash forward to 2015, and the same thing is now happening to me.

Unlike other people, who have no qualms about slandering others, I won't stoop to their level. I could give you details, and names, and copies of emails; but I won't. That's not my style. I don't do that.

But I'm feeling very low right now. I'm not sure how we're going to make it from month to month; and there's just no help out there for us. I'm about ready to cry.

There's one person out there who knows who is slandering me and speaking against me, and she won't tell me who my accusers are. I know from my husband's experience that there is nothing I can do. Once those lies are out there, you're simply screwed.

People will believe the lies,
they will repeat the lies,
they won't tell you what was said or who said it.

And your reputation will be destroyed, maybe even your ability to make a living for yourself and your loved ones.

Know that this can happen to anyone, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Because society will always believe the liars, and protect them; and you will be left out in the cold. They tell their lie, their slander about you, with no regard as to how it will affect you or your life. Then they go merrily on their way and live their life, having sent forth words that will destroy yours.

-- jd --

Fifty shades of stupidity

Yes, this post is about the book and movie, Fifty Shades of Grey.
No, I haven't read the book.
No, I haven't watched the movie.

First, let me state, I am not against erotica.  I like good erotica, well written erotica.  I am against erotica that glamorizes abusive behavior.

Do I plan to read the book?
After reading the summary of what the book is about, at this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifty_Shades_of_Grey
no, I have no interest in reading the book.  In fact, if I knew nothing about the book or the author, and received a request via my book review blog to review this book, based on the description at the link above, I would say no and decline to review it.  And I would note, the book blurb on Amazon and what the above links says, paint two very different pictures of the book's content.

From what I'm learning, I would say the above link paints a very accurate picture of the book's content.

Do I plan to watch the movie?
Nope, no way.  From what I've heard, the movie is a watered down version of the book, and I'm not interested in either.

What concerns me about all this:
I'm concerned by how big a deal this book has become.  I'm concerned by the influence it may have on our society at large and on individuals.  I'm concerned with the message it seems to send.

The author herself calls this book her midlife crisis, written large, and including her fantasies.

It's fiction, yes, but it's dangerous fiction.  Cases of people imitating fiction are not new.  Remember the old saying, 'A case of life imitating art'.  Well, this is one book that no one should strive to imitate.  If anything, it should be a warning to naive young women to beware of men like Christian Grey.

Abuse of any kind is not okay!

Of course, there may be an outcry from the BDSM community, directed towards those criticizing this book or the movie.  Now I've personally edited books that include BDSM elements.  I've read those books.  I think what is depicted in this book is more abuse than BDSM.

So let's move on to a breakdown of the reviews for this book:

The following is copied from the Amazon website, by me, today, February 15, 2015

Note the following breakdown by me, of the reviews:

5 star - 13,541
4 star - 3,283
13541+3283=16824

3 star - 2,707

2 star - 2,497
1 star - 7,188
2497+7188=9685

So this book has almost as many bad reviews as it does good ones.  That should tell people something.  Because no, it's not normal for a book to have that many bad reviews.  A truly good book won't have that many negative reviews.  The good reviews will far outweigh the bad reviews.

The following video was shared by a friend on a facebook post that I made.  Here's a bit from the info about it, on youtube:

Published on Feb 12, 2015
What do readers of Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? A recent study showed strong correlations between health risks in women's lives - including violence victimization - and consumption of Fifty Shades of Grey material. Stefan Molyneux speaks with Dr. Amy Bonomi about the study's findings and what can be learned from the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Dr. Amy Bonomi is Professor and Chair of the Human Development and Family Studies Department at Michigan State University. Dr. Bonomi’s research focuses on the long-term health effects of domestic violence, dating violence, and child abuse, and the intimacy dynamics/processes that keep violent relationships intact.

Books can be great things.  Fifty Shades of Grey is not one of those books.  This author seems to be making her writing career just on this series of books.  Yeah, she's grinning all the way to the bank.

I would not recommend this book or the movie either.

If you want to read erotica, check out the following authors, who I can recommend wholeheartedly:

Ophelia Bell
Devona Serenity

Books should be fun, books should be entertaining, books should be informative.  But when books influence people in a negative way, or glamorize a particularly destructive type of behavior, then books can become a bad influence.

Why this book has become such a runaway hit is beyond me.  From what I've read, the writing isn't that great.  So it must be the subject matter?  And if it is the subject matter, then that doesn't say much about us as a society, now does it.

A subject for another day:
The sad state of the moral fiber of our world today,
and the total lack of manners and etiquette and tact in our world today.

NFL's message to the world -- cheating pays

There's an old saying that has been floating around for ages:

cheaters never win

But that saying isn't true anymore.  Cheaters do win, and they win big.  Last night's superbowl proved that.

It's a truly sad comment on our times today, and the state of our world's moral compass.

Now I'm a writer, and stuff like this, it just moves me to write about it.  This blog, it's my own personal me blog space, to write on whatever topic I want.  Now notice the pic above.  This is the logo that I'll be using for future posts of this nature.

But back to last night's 'superbowl'.  I think it should be called the 'lame-ass cheaters bowl' actually.  In my opinion (and after all, that's what this blog is all about - my opinion), the patriots shouldn't have been playing in the game at all.  Everyone wants to seem to dance around it, but they flat out cheated by using underinflated balls; and what's more, they got caught at it.  This has been discussed and discussed, but there's no if - ands - or buts about it, they cheated!

What's more, this isn't the first time that the New England Patriots have been caught cheating!  But you know what the patriots have learned from their cheating episodes?  They've learned that cheating pays off.  It's worth it.  The pluses they gain far outweigh the minuses.  And what's worse, the NFL doesn't really give a rat's ass that they cheated!

They want to put on a good show, make money, etc.

I personally find the whole thing disgusting!  And I find it disturbing and concerning.

Cheaters won the superbowl, and today, nobody gives a damn.  They just want to celebrate.  Well I won't be celebrating.  I still have a moral compass, and it screams at me that this is wrong.  If yours doesn't, then there's something wrong with you.

But then, we shouldn't be surprised.  The NFL seems to have no moral compass at all now days.  Their players torture animals, beat women and children, and even murder people.  And sooner or later, these bastards end up back on tv, playing football.

Morals are more important than games and money, and the NFL and the New England Cheatriots need to learn that.

Get the facts on upcoming Facebook and Twitter changes

The following post, at the link below:
http://thewriteconversation.blogspot.com/2014/12/social-media-mondayhow-facebook-changes.html

is full of misinformation.  The author of that post gives no links to back up the

wild claims that facebook is getting ready to start charging page owners for posts that seem to be an ad.

A quote from the post:

In 2015, they are about to charge businesses a monthly fee to advertise on Facebook through business pages.

When I first ran across this post about a couple of weeks ago, I then researched it.  Unlike many others, I did not wildly start panicking and sharing the post.  I headed to google and did some solid research.  Something the author of the above mentioned post obviously did not do.  

To get some real information, please refer to the following links.  Quotes from said link appear below the link:

My first link, to a post from facebook itself:

https://www.facebook.com/business/news/update-to-facebook-news-feed

One of the main reasons people come to Facebook is to see what’s happening in their News Feeds. Our goal with News Feed has always been to show people the things they want to see. When people see content that’s relevant to them, they’re more likely to be engaged with News Feed, including stories from businesses.

That’s why we often look to people on Facebook to tell us how we can improve. As part of an ongoing survey, we asked hundreds of thousands of people how they feel about the content in their News Feeds. People told us they wanted to see more stories from friends and Pages they care about, and less promotional content.

http://www.wsj.com/articles/new-facebook-rules-will-sting-entrepreneurs-1417133694

The change will make it more difficult for entrepreneurs like Ms. Bossie, the founder of four-year-old Earthegy, to reach fans of their Facebook pages with marketing posts that aren’t paid advertising.

http://www.hypebot.com/hypebot/2014/11/how-facebooks-changes-in-paid-advertising-will-affect-your-marketing-efforts-draft.html

Facebook executives drew a line in the proverbial sand on Friday when they announced their plans to restructure the way posts placed by brands appear in newsfeeds. As if it hasn't been hard enough to gain organic reach, Facebook has essentially closed the door on anything other than paid advertising. Starting in January, as Facebook told marketers, if you want to reach customers on Facebook, you'll need to buy an ad. This change could arguably be long overdue for commercial brands raking in revenue at minimal advertising cost, but if you're a band on a budget or a musician trying to jumpstart a career, and you plan on using Facebook to reach your fans, it looks like you'll need to adjust your finances accordingly. 

http://www.latimes.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-facebook-news-feed-unpaid-ads-20141114-story.html

The latest change made to Facebook’s News Feed comes not off the back of complaints about paid advertising, but off page posts that “feel too promotional,” according to an update on the Facebook blog.

The change, which was made in response to survey data, aims to reduce the number of unpaid promotional posts users see in their feed. Facebook said this will not increase the number of paid ads users see when they log into Facebook; it will just show fewer promotional posts.

And this last link, from Forbes, contains the best info of all:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jaysondemers/2014/12/09/recent-facebook-and-twitter-changes-that-affect-marketers/

There’ve been some significant shake-ups at Facebook and Twitter recently; in this article, I’ll outline some of the most significant changes business owners and marketers can expect to see in the coming months.

Facebook: No More Promotional Posts

Many marketers already take advantage of Facebook’s promoted posts as a way to get content in front of more fans. However, Facebook recently made an announcement about reducing overly promotional posts in users’ newsfeeds.

This change applies to organic posts from your Page – not to paid promoted posts. Facebook has said they’re cracking down on posts that are “too promotional”, meaning:

Posts that push people to buy a product or app

Posts that push people to enter a contest without context

Posts that reuse ad content

In other words, if you’re used to pushing your products or services on Facebook, now’s a good time to stop. According to the announcement, the goal is to limit the amount of promotional content users see in their feeds; except ads will continue to be shown, of course.

What This Means for Business Owners: Continue to ensure that the majority of what you post on Facebook is non-promotional in nature. When you do want to promote a product, contest or sale, try to use language that isn’t overtly ‘salesly’.

Twitter: Filtered Feed May Be Coming Soon

If you thought Facebook was the only network with a filtered feed, think again. According to a recent Wall Street Journal post, it sounds like a filtered stream on Twitter is in the works.

And here is the link to the Wall Street Journal post mentioned above:
http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2014/09/03/twitters-product-checklist-better-search-and-group-chats/

An algorithm-driven content feed. A souped-up search engine. Group chatting.

These appear to be among Twitter’s priorities to make its service more relevant and easier to use, an issue that has plagued the company ever since its IPO last year.

 What this change really means is that you'll have to work a bit harder to get your page posts noticed. But the whole goal of a page is to get people coming

** to the page. ** 

If people come to your page, this won't matter diddly. What does build a page is the same thing that builds a blog -- sharing content on a regular basis -- It's not something that happens overnight. It takes time and dedicated work. But it's doable.

Anyone who gives you the idea that you're going to be charged for just having a page, or that Facebook is going to become a page nazi and start charging you for any page posts that seem like an ad -- all that is just so much nonsense.

Some of pages 'free ride' on facebook, with ads disguised as posts, those posts will have restricted presence as far as showing up in people's newsfeed.  Facebook has recently instituted changes to the home page newsfeed that give users greater control in making sure that what shows up in their newsfeed is stuff that they're interested in.  I know this for a fact because I've been using these new controls to tweak my own newsfeed for a couple of months now.  Some advertisers, even their paid ads won't show up in my newsfeed because I have blocked them from my newsfeed.

What amazes me is how people have read this one post, and instead of doing some research like I have done, they panicked and started sharing the post willy-nilly.  As you can tell from above, what I say is backed up by personal experience and posts from solid sources.  Hope this post helps everyone out in understanding things better.
--jd--

Are we really free?

Tonight finds me feeling very sad and discouraged and upset.  We are supposed to live in a free country here in the USA, but we don't.  The freedom that we feel we have is only an illusion.  You have that freedom only as long as you don't cross the wrong people.

I've taken to my blog, because over the past year, and very recently, over the past few months, I've learned that you aren't free to say what you want.  Especially on facebook.  And just tonight, I had an up-close and personal experience with 'we didn't like what you posted'.  I've never before felt harassed and intimidated in my own home before, but I felt that tonight.  It's a very disappointing and discouraging feeling.  Especially considering that I had an ancestor who fought in the revolutionary war, for the founding of this nation.

Over the past year, I've deleted posts off my facebook timeline because of the hassle that arose from a simple post.  I've had to unfriend and block people, because they got mad that I deleted their comments off of my posts on my timeline.  Tonight I deleted several posts because the result of those posts was rather unpleasant.

I've learned to fear speaking my own mind.  On my blog, on my pages, in facebook groups, on my own facebook timeline.  What kind of world have we created?  When people fear sharing their thoughts and opinions in what is supposed to be the freest nation on earth?

We have a president who has just recently taken dictator-like actions in order to ensure that his immigration policies are turned into law.  We have a government that does it's own thing with little regard for the people it is supposed to serve.  And perhaps that is where the problem lies?  Has our government forgotten that it is there to serve the people?  Each and every person, and not just the majority of people?  Or certain interest groups.  Or big campaign contributors.

Is this where our government has become corrupted?  Does it now serve only certain people?  Cater to certain interest groups?

We have a society of people who feel they are entitled to a wide range of things, including the right to harass another person if they feel like it.  Bullying, both online and offline, has grown to an enormous problem; with the harassed people sometimes sadly resorting to suicide to escape the torment.  And that is sad beyond words.

Even as I write this blog post, I already fear what possible, unforeseen repercussions might spring up from my writing and posting it.

I've learned the value of doing what my many friends do, and not making all posts public.  I've learned that many things I have to say, I'm maybe best off to just say them in my own journal, that is just for me and no one else.

I've learned to fear . . .
fear what may arise from the words I want to share.

I've learned to just shut up and not say anything . . . 
because saying something may bring unpleasantness, and it's just simpler to keep my mouth shut and not say anything at all.

I've learned deep and abiding sadness . . . 
sadness over the state of our world now, and the insensitivity and/or inconsiderateness and/or thoughtlessness of people in general.

I long ago learned not to trust . . . 
and to be suspicious.

We live in a day and age where we are more technologically advanced than in any other.  But our ability to communicate with one another effectively seems to diminish on a daily basis.  We are losing our ability to understand one another, to care for our fellow man.

We know more about people all over the world, now more than ever, and can communicate easily with someone on the other side of the world.  But we have less and less sympathy and compassion for other people all the time.

The people of this world routinely play violent video games where the point of the game is to kill people.  But when a shooting occurs in a school, we call for the ban of real guns; while ignoring the influence of the fake guns and the violence in these video games.

I don't like the way I feel tonight, and there is a deep and abiding sadness residing in my soul;  as if something precious and irretrievable has died tonight.  Is dying in our world.  I do not care to think of what the future holds.  I will only strive to deal with the moment, focus on our own needs; while keeping my own counsel as much as possible, and being cautious about . . . . everything.
-- jd --

Writer tip - who's and whose

I do editing,
plus, I'm an avid reader once again, now that I've discovered ebooks and have my kindle.

I also have awesomely accurate spelling skills.  It was one of my fave things from grade school.

Besides all that, I'm a business college graduate who worked as a bookkeeper and legal secretary.

And, I'm a perfectionist.

So word errors really bug me.  I love it that you can now edit posts on facebook, and other places as well.  I can't stand an error in anything I've written.

Soooo, having said all that, this is the first of what will probably become a series of sharing word and spelling foo-pahs that I notice people using.

These posts are created with the intent of hopefully educating people in a better use of language.  With the internet today, and the awesome search engines that exist, there is no excuse for ignorance.  Computer and internet access can be found now days at any library, even in the small towns.  I know.  I live in a small town and my first internet experiences was at our local library.

Note - you can check the spelling and/or definition of any word by simply typing in:

define (your word)

Then hit return.  For example, here are my word lessons for today:

Please note everyone -
who's
means who is.

It is not the possessive form of who.

It also means -
who has.








While on the other hand, for the possessive form of who, you would want to use:

whose

This is the word you use for the possessive form of who.








And that's your word lesson for today.  Screenshots courtesy clipping from a google search.

If you liked it, share it.  Comment that you liked it.

Feel free to comment and suggest other words that you would like me to feature.

Thanks,
Jacqueline

My response to Bestseller Labs 10 key questions

So here's the link to Bestseller Labs article:
10 Key Questions That Can Determine Your Success As A Writer

And here's my answers to those 10 questions:

1. Do you employ the potency of your TRUE self?
Yes, I do.  One thing I've been faithful to is showing the real me to the world.

2. Are you writing for a particular genre because it’s popular?
No, I'm not.  I write the genre I love the most.

3. Do you stick to a schedule? (Be honest.)
No, not really.  I'm still working on that one.

4. Are you afraid of being judged?
No.  I got over that one years and years ago.  If they don't like me, my writing, I'll deal with that.  I'm not doing this to be popular.  I'm doing it because it's something I've always wanted, and I'm pursuing it full force.

5. Do you edit as you write?
Hmmm, not really.  When the words are flowing, I just go with it.

6. Do you use a professional editor?
I am a professional editor.  But before I publish my book someday, I will have others give it the once over.  I value editors and proofreaders and know their importance in the process.

7. Do you write for a specific, easily identifiable genre?
Yep, I sure do -- science fiction, fantasy, and paranormal.  All my book ideas fall into one of those 3 genres.

8. Are you hoping for a bestseller with your first book?
Of course I'm hoping for that.  I'd be an idiot with a severe lack of confidence in my own talents to not hope for that.  I'm also realistic too.  Which is why I'm expending this pre-publishing time in promoting me, the writer.

9. Are you planning to just write and leave everything else to a publisher?
Nope.  Refer to above answers.  I'm already promoting me the writer.

10. Do you know WHY you are writing?
Yes, it's part of who I've been since high school.  It's what I've wanted to do since 1979.  And I'm participating in it more now than ever before.  Writing is how I express myself the best.  For the me, the words just flow - from my brain to my fingers, onto the paper, then out to the world.

So, I've answered the questions honestly, as I read them.  And I think I fared pretty good.  I think I have a good likelihood of succeeding.  I know I'm going to give it my best try.  

I've wanted this since 1979.  I'm not a green kid.  I'm a mature, experienced woman who knows what she wants and is going after it with gusto.  I'm at a point in my life where I can pour my all into it, and I am.  

Thanks Jonathan for the questions!  

-- jd --