To start off with, let's make it clear what kind of dreams I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the kind of dreams you have at night when you're asleep. No, this isn't about those kind of dreams.
What I'm talking about is something you aspire to do, a cherished hope or ambition. That's the kind of dreams I'm talking about. I figure pretty much everybody has at least one sometime. I know I have had several. Having them can be fun, and it can be heartbreaking and life-changing when you have to let one go.
When you have to let one go, when you lose one, a little part of you dies right along with that dream; and then it leaves an empty spot in you. Yes, you'll recover and go on; but you'll never be quite the same. It changes you.
A show about giving up a dream
Over the past several weeks, we've been watching this season's America's Got Talent show. There were a lot of talented people to cross their stage. And all of them except for one, no matter what their act or level of talent or skill or experience, got a lesson in losing a dream.
The winner was a 12 year old squeaky-voiced girl who shook when she took the stage, playing a ukulele that she had for only a year. She didn't win because of talent. She won because of popularity. She didn't deserve the win she got, and they didn't do her any favors. Over the course of that show, a 12 year old girl turned into a nervous, stressed kidult; and lost something precious in the process - the rest of her childhood.
Many more talented acts left the stage in disappointment, giving up a dream of winning that competition. Adults left that stage, who deserved to win more. But the one I think I'll remember the most is 62 year old Ronee Martin. Check out this video of her:
She was, by far, the most talented person on the show. By rights, she should have won. But she was kicked out early on, and it had nothing to do with her talent. It had to do with her age. Obviously many thought she was too old.
In fact, all the contestants over 50 were shuttled off the show early on. It was an obvious case of age discrimination. Yeah, let them on the show, and let them compete a little bit, but get rid of them before it gets serious. And in the end, a 12 year old who didn't sing that great won it all. Both sad and disgusting. It ruined my night.
But it awakened me to a fact.
Too old to have a dream?
My hubby remembers hearing Simon Cowell say on air on one of the AGT shows, about Ronee Martin, that he thought she was too old to start a career. Did he think her too old to have a dream?
The sad fact of our times is that people in general, who are under 50, don't want appreciate people over 50. Read this article for a better take on what I'm saying:
This was painfully obvious on this season of America's Got Talent.
I won't be watching that show again.
So does one get too old to have a dream of something new that they would like to achieve? I don't think so. I never have. Keeping busy, keeping things to do that you enjoy, those are the spice of life.
Me and my dreams
I've had a lot of dreams, and went through the painful process of having to let them go. It hurt, but I survived and went on. Fast forward to now. Back in 2012, I drug out of the closet the last of my dreams, that of being a published author. Now I am a writer, I have been since high school. But I don't consider myself an author, because I've never published a book.
I developed this dream during my high school days, back in the late 1970s. But my mom made a point to tell me how unrealistic it was, so I shelved it, figuring that later on in my life, I would pull it out and pursue it. Well, in 2012, I did just that. Then life got in the way. A lot of things have happened, none of them helpful to what I wanted to do; none of which I care to go into. But I've decided to give up on this last dream of publishing a book, and I thought it deserved some kind of a send off. To publish a book, I'd need $30,000 cash, minimum. I won't go into the details why, but they're legitimate. Besides, there's so many out there and then there's my age.
Writing to please me
Back when I started writing, back in high school, I had fun with it. It was fun then. And I want to get back to that. I want to get away from wondering if it is good enough, if I am any good as a writer, if anyone will like what I'm writing. I want to get back to just pleasing me and me alone with my writing. If others like it, great. If they don't, so what. If I like it, that's what matters; and I need to put the joy and fun back into my writing.
When I want to share my fiction writing, I plan on publishing on wattpad. I want to focus on my book review blog, and give more attention to my other blogs.
So I'm not giving up writing, just the idea of publishing a book. Someday, maybe if things clear up, I might reconsider it. But for right now, it's off the table and out the door, to hang out with all my other expired dreams.