20 years ago next year . . . a dubious anniversary

Next year will be a somewhat dubious anniversary for hubby and me.

Twenty years ago next year, in the summer of 1996, a church in far western Kentucky fired my husband as their pastor. They had no valid reason, other than that they were tired of him, and that his preaching was hitting too close to their secret sins and consciences. They were tired of leaving church feeling bad, so their solution was to fire him as pastor. Rather than change themselves, they changed who they would listen to on Sunday.

My husband had been a good pastor to their church; visiting, and going to the hospital, going to association meetings, all the things a good pastor does. But he faithfully preached the word, and his sermons stepped on their conscience. So they fired him.

What made this so devastating was that it was a full time church, and we lived in their parsonage. So we lost not only the home we lived in, but our only income as well. About 2-3 years prior, something had made an audible shotgun-like pop in my back; and it ended thoughts of me ever working.

We tried so very hard to find him another church, but another minister had been working behind his back, and had ruined him as a minister; telling lies about him, and telling people not to use him, or recommend him. So he couldn't get another church. And this church was a 2 hour drive away from our home area of Owensboro. So not only were we jobless and homeless, but we were a 2 hour drive away from home. We ended up moving back, into a rental house, with no job. We had a hard time finding anyone who would rent to us, because hubby didn't have a job.

Well, hubby did find a job, but our out-go was more than our income. We used our credit cards to help make ends meet, believing that before we maxed out our credit cards, that something would turn up. That our income would go up, that a miracle would occur, and that we would be able to pay off our debts. But that didn't happen. We believed in miracles and Christians too much, to our utter downfall.

During this time, church-wise, we didn't fare much better. My husband only filled in at churches, and supplied, not being particularly interested in pastoring another church at that time. Finally, he was enticed to pastor a church, a part-time church. Our brief time there was somewhat pleasant, until they wanted him to ask a family to leave the church because they didn't dress well enough to suit some of the rulers of the church. We left the same day that family did.

So my husband went back to filling in and supplying, determined not to pastor again. But once again, he was enticed to pastor a church he had been supplying at. This would be the last church that my husband would ever pastor, and the last one we would ever attend regularly.

By the time hubby did get a job that covered our out-go, we had defaulted on our credit cards, and had a huge debt. We wanted to pay the debts off, we really did; but we wouldn't be able to. It was while we were pastoring this last church, that we got the idea to send out letters to our 'brothers and sisters in Christ', seeking their help with our financial dilemma. That would be the final nail in my husband's ministry.

We knew the church was unable to help us, and the local church association couldn't either. We didn't think there was anything wrong with it. According to what the Bible said Christians were supposed to be like, it should have worked; it should have erased our debt. But this action angered the head of the local church association. On Sunday, we were there in the church, one of them. On Monday, the head of the local church association contacted the church leaders and instructed them to fire my husband or they would be kicked out of the local church association. On Tuesday, the church leaders met at the church. On Wednesday, they asked my husband to meet them at the church at 6 pm, before the regular 7 pm church business meeting. They fired him on the spot. They gave him a small severance check, and had us leave before the business meeting. We both walked out of the church in tears, our hearts totally broken by their coldness. They didn't even allow my husband to come back the next Sunday and preach a farewell sermon. We don't know what they told the congregation.

I remember the date that they fired him. It is forever etched in my memory.

The date was . . . . . August 1st, 2001

A little over a month later, the world trade center towers would fall to an enemy attack on our home soil.

2001 was not a good year for either us, nor our nation. He never pastored again. He never preached again. We haven't been a part of a church since then.

Finally, one of our creditors started garnishing my hubby's paychecks, and that was the last straw. We filed for bankruptcy. There was nothing else to do. We had no other choice, no other options. We dearly hated to do it, but had no other choice.

We went on; the bankruptcy cleared out our huge debt. But the work that my husband had done had began taking a toll on his knees. In 2010, my husband would have to go to working part-time because his knees bothered him so bad. He desperately needed to file for disability, but couldn't quit working, as my chronic bad back wouldn't allow me to work. I tried filing for disability, twice, but was turned down flat. I didn't have the mountain of stuff you needed to be able to get it.

The real game changer would happen in 2011. In February of 2011, my husband was fired from his job. March would find him in the hospital, diagnosed with cancer. We had to cash in his 401K from work, just to make it and have money to live on. I think that was the most difficult year of my life so far. I was at home in Hartford, he was in the hospital in Owensboro, and I didn't dare go visit him for fear of catching something and getting sick. I was on my own, and couldn't afford to get sick.

Hubby got disability, but the payments wouldn't start until October of that year. Our credit, barely better after our last bankruptcy, would take a devastating hit. We barely survived the year financially, and we've struggled ever since.

Yes, I've tried all those charities that are supposed to help people. You name it and I've probably tried it at one point or another in this 20 year journey. And still we struggle.

So when we ring in our dubious 20 year anniversary next year, I have no doubt that our financial situation will be no better than it has been over the last 20 years. I would love to be surprised, but I doubt that I will be.

So that is where this post finds us - out of ideas, out of answers, and barely making it from month to month. Like everyone else, we've had dreams, hopes, and wishes; and so many of them, we've had to lay aside and give up on. I think the one that makes me the saddest is my husband's wish to visit the Gettysburg civil war battle site. With both of our physical condition now, even if we had the money and the vehicle, we couldn't do it.

Did you know that he worked his way through college and seminary? His desire was to serve God faithfully, preach the word, and pastor full-time churches. He's a good man, and deserves much better than he's gotten in life. As for me, I've always had bad luck, must have been born under an unlucky star or something. I'm tired and worn out, and all out of ideas of what to do to improve our situation. All I want is for us to have plenty of money for whatever we want or need, and for me to be able to just sit down and quit; to not have to continually try to figure a way out of whatever catastrophe or trouble has befallen us.

If you've continued to read this far, and would like to help us, please follow the link below:

Defining 'moral compass'

Do you know what 'moral compass' means?
Well, here's a definition for you:

-- Moral compass --
Used in reference to a person's ability to judge what is right and wrong and act accordingly. An inner sense which distinguishes what is right from what is wrong, functioning as a guide (like the needle of a compass) for morally appropriate behavior.

Do you have a moral compass? And what do you define as right and wrong?
Here's a few from my right and wrong list:

• right - helping out someone who is in need
• wrong - teasing, bullying, or generally making fun of  someone
• wrong - murder
• wrong - theft
• right - being nice
• right - holding the door open for someone else
• wrong - holding violent protests about something you don't like
• wrong - looting and vandalism
• right - admitting when you have done wrong, and making things right

I think you begin to get the idea.

There are certain basic concepts of right and wrong that surpass one's religion or upbringing. But I fear that our society today is totally losing any moral compass at all. People are consumed with vanity and vain considerations: white, perfect teeth; perfect skin, the right car, the right clothes, the right shoes, etc.

Once again, I think you get the idea. Leastways I hope you are.

Few people accept responsibility for their actions now days. They want to start whining and making excuses, when called about it. The worst thing to happen to society is 'politically correct'. When we start bending over backwards to not offend, we stop standing for anything.

Do you stand for something? Or do you allow anything?

I think I'll close with this video:


So, what do you stand for? Or do you fall for anything?

I have an ancestor that fought in the revolutionary war. I have 3 that fought in the civil war - 2 on the side of the north, and 1 on the side of the south.

One was with Sherman on his march through the south. He was shot in the wrist, and it was treated with pouring whiskey over it and wrapping it in brown paper. One time, I saw an old tintype photo of him, and you could see the damaged wrist. Down in Georgia somewhere, he was captured and spent the rest of the war in Andersenville Prison. He survived that, and was put on the Sultana, headed home; but the boiler exploded and the ship sunk. The Mississippi was full, but he swan and got in a tree top, and they found him there the next day. He had 3 wives, and has many descendants.

The one with the south, he was working down south when the war broke out. After the war, he sent word home by someone else that he had survived the war and was heading west.

That's the stock I come from. People who had a moral compass, people who stood for something, people who helped build this nation. I despise some of the things that this nation and this world are becoming.

I don't coddle people, and I'm an forthright person. I won't flatter your tender sensibilities. I have certain standards I hold myself to, and I hold others to as well.

If you don't have a moral compass, you need to grow one.
If you're politically correct, you need to stop that.
If you're worried about being what's trendy, then you need to find out who you are and simply be that.

But don't be a willow in the wind, blowing every which way.

Protecting the accusers, no help for the accused

I want to tell you a story, the story of a minister, a good man, and an excellent preacher. It's one I've never really told online before.

There was once this Baptist minister, who had worked his way through college and seminary; and he was a good man and an excellent preacher, who followed his calling faithfully. Then one day, totally unaware of it, he angered a director of missions of a local Baptist association (still to this day, he doesn't know what set him off); who set about ruining this minister's reputation as a pastor. Being unaware of this, the man went about his calling and his ministry. By the time the minister became aware of it, it was too late. His ministry was ruined. This caused him great financial hardship, and he eventually quit trying to pastor altogether. The secular jobs he took ruined his knees, and today he is disabled, and hasn't been to church in years.

That minister is my husband.

In 2016, it will be 20 years since one man's lies about my husband started us on this downward financial spiral, that we haven't been able to stop yet. Flash forward to 2015, and the same thing is now happening to me.

Unlike other people, who have no qualms about slandering others, I won't stoop to their level. I could give you details, and names, and copies of emails; but I won't. That's not my style. I don't do that.

But I'm feeling very low right now. I'm not sure how we're going to make it from month to month; and there's just no help out there for us. I'm about ready to cry.

There's one person out there who knows who is slandering me and speaking against me, and she won't tell me who my accusers are. I know from my husband's experience that there is nothing I can do. Once those lies are out there, you're simply screwed.

People will believe the lies,
they will repeat the lies,
they won't tell you what was said or who said it.

And your reputation will be destroyed, maybe even your ability to make a living for yourself and your loved ones.

Know that this can happen to anyone, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Because society will always believe the liars, and protect them; and you will be left out in the cold. They tell their lie, their slander about you, with no regard as to how it will affect you or your life. Then they go merrily on their way and live their life, having sent forth words that will destroy yours.

-- jd --

Fifty shades of stupidity

Yes, this post is about the book and movie, Fifty Shades of Grey.
No, I haven't read the book.
No, I haven't watched the movie.

First, let me state, I am not against erotica.  I like good erotica, well written erotica.  I am against erotica that glamorizes abusive behavior.

Do I plan to read the book?
After reading the summary of what the book is about, at this link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifty_Shades_of_Grey
no, I have no interest in reading the book.  In fact, if I knew nothing about the book or the author, and received a request via my book review blog to review this book, based on the description at the link above, I would say no and decline to review it.  And I would note, the book blurb on Amazon and what the above links says, paint two very different pictures of the book's content.

From what I'm learning, I would say the above link paints a very accurate picture of the book's content.

Do I plan to watch the movie?
Nope, no way.  From what I've heard, the movie is a watered down version of the book, and I'm not interested in either.

What concerns me about all this:
I'm concerned by how big a deal this book has become.  I'm concerned by the influence it may have on our society at large and on individuals.  I'm concerned with the message it seems to send.

The author herself calls this book her midlife crisis, written large, and including her fantasies.

It's fiction, yes, but it's dangerous fiction.  Cases of people imitating fiction are not new.  Remember the old saying, 'A case of life imitating art'.  Well, this is one book that no one should strive to imitate.  If anything, it should be a warning to naive young women to beware of men like Christian Grey.

Abuse of any kind is not okay!

Of course, there may be an outcry from the BDSM community, directed towards those criticizing this book or the movie.  Now I've personally edited books that include BDSM elements.  I've read those books.  I think what is depicted in this book is more abuse than BDSM.

So let's move on to a breakdown of the reviews for this book:

The following is copied from the Amazon website, by me, today, February 15, 2015

Note the following breakdown by me, of the reviews:

5 star - 13,541
4 star - 3,283
13541+3283=16824

3 star - 2,707

2 star - 2,497
1 star - 7,188
2497+7188=9685

So this book has almost as many bad reviews as it does good ones.  That should tell people something.  Because no, it's not normal for a book to have that many bad reviews.  A truly good book won't have that many negative reviews.  The good reviews will far outweigh the bad reviews.

The following video was shared by a friend on a facebook post that I made.  Here's a bit from the info about it, on youtube:

Published on Feb 12, 2015
What do readers of Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? A recent study showed strong correlations between health risks in women's lives - including violence victimization - and consumption of Fifty Shades of Grey material. Stefan Molyneux speaks with Dr. Amy Bonomi about the study's findings and what can be learned from the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Dr. Amy Bonomi is Professor and Chair of the Human Development and Family Studies Department at Michigan State University. Dr. Bonomi’s research focuses on the long-term health effects of domestic violence, dating violence, and child abuse, and the intimacy dynamics/processes that keep violent relationships intact.

Books can be great things.  Fifty Shades of Grey is not one of those books.  This author seems to be making her writing career just on this series of books.  Yeah, she's grinning all the way to the bank.

I would not recommend this book or the movie either.

If you want to read erotica, check out the following authors, who I can recommend wholeheartedly:

Ophelia Bell
Devona Serenity

Books should be fun, books should be entertaining, books should be informative.  But when books influence people in a negative way, or glamorize a particularly destructive type of behavior, then books can become a bad influence.

Why this book has become such a runaway hit is beyond me.  From what I've read, the writing isn't that great.  So it must be the subject matter?  And if it is the subject matter, then that doesn't say much about us as a society, now does it.

A subject for another day:
The sad state of the moral fiber of our world today,
and the total lack of manners and etiquette and tact in our world today.

NFL's message to the world -- cheating pays

There's an old saying that has been floating around for ages:

cheaters never win

But that saying isn't true anymore.  Cheaters do win, and they win big.  Last night's superbowl proved that.

It's a truly sad comment on our times today, and the state of our world's moral compass.

Now I'm a writer, and stuff like this, it just moves me to write about it.  This blog, it's my own personal me blog space, to write on whatever topic I want.  Now notice the pic above.  This is the logo that I'll be using for future posts of this nature.

But back to last night's 'superbowl'.  I think it should be called the 'lame-ass cheaters bowl' actually.  In my opinion (and after all, that's what this blog is all about - my opinion), the patriots shouldn't have been playing in the game at all.  Everyone wants to seem to dance around it, but they flat out cheated by using underinflated balls; and what's more, they got caught at it.  This has been discussed and discussed, but there's no if - ands - or buts about it, they cheated!

What's more, this isn't the first time that the New England Patriots have been caught cheating!  But you know what the patriots have learned from their cheating episodes?  They've learned that cheating pays off.  It's worth it.  The pluses they gain far outweigh the minuses.  And what's worse, the NFL doesn't really give a rat's ass that they cheated!

They want to put on a good show, make money, etc.

I personally find the whole thing disgusting!  And I find it disturbing and concerning.

Cheaters won the superbowl, and today, nobody gives a damn.  They just want to celebrate.  Well I won't be celebrating.  I still have a moral compass, and it screams at me that this is wrong.  If yours doesn't, then there's something wrong with you.

But then, we shouldn't be surprised.  The NFL seems to have no moral compass at all now days.  Their players torture animals, beat women and children, and even murder people.  And sooner or later, these bastards end up back on tv, playing football.

Morals are more important than games and money, and the NFL and the New England Cheatriots need to learn that.

Get the facts on upcoming Facebook and Twitter changes

The following post, at the link below:
http://thewriteconversation.blogspot.com/2014/12/social-media-mondayhow-facebook-changes.html

is full of misinformation.  The author of that post gives no links to back up the

wild claims that facebook is getting ready to start charging page owners for posts that seem to be an ad.

A quote from the post:

In 2015, they are about to charge businesses a monthly fee to advertise on Facebook through business pages.

When I first ran across this post about a couple of weeks ago, I then researched it.  Unlike many others, I did not wildly start panicking and sharing the post.  I headed to google and did some solid research.  Something the author of the above mentioned post obviously did not do.  

To get some real information, please refer to the following links.  Quotes from said link appear below the link:

My first link, to a post from facebook itself:

https://www.facebook.com/business/news/update-to-facebook-news-feed

One of the main reasons people come to Facebook is to see what’s happening in their News Feeds. Our goal with News Feed has always been to show people the things they want to see. When people see content that’s relevant to them, they’re more likely to be engaged with News Feed, including stories from businesses.

That’s why we often look to people on Facebook to tell us how we can improve. As part of an ongoing survey, we asked hundreds of thousands of people how they feel about the content in their News Feeds. People told us they wanted to see more stories from friends and Pages they care about, and less promotional content.

http://www.wsj.com/articles/new-facebook-rules-will-sting-entrepreneurs-1417133694

The change will make it more difficult for entrepreneurs like Ms. Bossie, the founder of four-year-old Earthegy, to reach fans of their Facebook pages with marketing posts that aren’t paid advertising.

http://www.hypebot.com/hypebot/2014/11/how-facebooks-changes-in-paid-advertising-will-affect-your-marketing-efforts-draft.html

Facebook executives drew a line in the proverbial sand on Friday when they announced their plans to restructure the way posts placed by brands appear in newsfeeds. As if it hasn't been hard enough to gain organic reach, Facebook has essentially closed the door on anything other than paid advertising. Starting in January, as Facebook told marketers, if you want to reach customers on Facebook, you'll need to buy an ad. This change could arguably be long overdue for commercial brands raking in revenue at minimal advertising cost, but if you're a band on a budget or a musician trying to jumpstart a career, and you plan on using Facebook to reach your fans, it looks like you'll need to adjust your finances accordingly. 

http://www.latimes.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-facebook-news-feed-unpaid-ads-20141114-story.html

The latest change made to Facebook’s News Feed comes not off the back of complaints about paid advertising, but off page posts that “feel too promotional,” according to an update on the Facebook blog.

The change, which was made in response to survey data, aims to reduce the number of unpaid promotional posts users see in their feed. Facebook said this will not increase the number of paid ads users see when they log into Facebook; it will just show fewer promotional posts.

And this last link, from Forbes, contains the best info of all:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jaysondemers/2014/12/09/recent-facebook-and-twitter-changes-that-affect-marketers/

There’ve been some significant shake-ups at Facebook and Twitter recently; in this article, I’ll outline some of the most significant changes business owners and marketers can expect to see in the coming months.

Facebook: No More Promotional Posts

Many marketers already take advantage of Facebook’s promoted posts as a way to get content in front of more fans. However, Facebook recently made an announcement about reducing overly promotional posts in users’ newsfeeds.

This change applies to organic posts from your Page – not to paid promoted posts. Facebook has said they’re cracking down on posts that are “too promotional”, meaning:

Posts that push people to buy a product or app

Posts that push people to enter a contest without context

Posts that reuse ad content

In other words, if you’re used to pushing your products or services on Facebook, now’s a good time to stop. According to the announcement, the goal is to limit the amount of promotional content users see in their feeds; except ads will continue to be shown, of course.

What This Means for Business Owners: Continue to ensure that the majority of what you post on Facebook is non-promotional in nature. When you do want to promote a product, contest or sale, try to use language that isn’t overtly ‘salesly’.

Twitter: Filtered Feed May Be Coming Soon

If you thought Facebook was the only network with a filtered feed, think again. According to a recent Wall Street Journal post, it sounds like a filtered stream on Twitter is in the works.

And here is the link to the Wall Street Journal post mentioned above:
http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2014/09/03/twitters-product-checklist-better-search-and-group-chats/

An algorithm-driven content feed. A souped-up search engine. Group chatting.

These appear to be among Twitter’s priorities to make its service more relevant and easier to use, an issue that has plagued the company ever since its IPO last year.

 What this change really means is that you'll have to work a bit harder to get your page posts noticed. But the whole goal of a page is to get people coming

** to the page. ** 

If people come to your page, this won't matter diddly. What does build a page is the same thing that builds a blog -- sharing content on a regular basis -- It's not something that happens overnight. It takes time and dedicated work. But it's doable.

Anyone who gives you the idea that you're going to be charged for just having a page, or that Facebook is going to become a page nazi and start charging you for any page posts that seem like an ad -- all that is just so much nonsense.

Some of pages 'free ride' on facebook, with ads disguised as posts, those posts will have restricted presence as far as showing up in people's newsfeed.  Facebook has recently instituted changes to the home page newsfeed that give users greater control in making sure that what shows up in their newsfeed is stuff that they're interested in.  I know this for a fact because I've been using these new controls to tweak my own newsfeed for a couple of months now.  Some advertisers, even their paid ads won't show up in my newsfeed because I have blocked them from my newsfeed.

What amazes me is how people have read this one post, and instead of doing some research like I have done, they panicked and started sharing the post willy-nilly.  As you can tell from above, what I say is backed up by personal experience and posts from solid sources.  Hope this post helps everyone out in understanding things better.
--jd--

Are we really free?

Tonight finds me feeling very sad and discouraged and upset.  We are supposed to live in a free country here in the USA, but we don't.  The freedom that we feel we have is only an illusion.  You have that freedom only as long as you don't cross the wrong people.

I've taken to my blog, because over the past year, and very recently, over the past few months, I've learned that you aren't free to say what you want.  Especially on facebook.  And just tonight, I had an up-close and personal experience with 'we didn't like what you posted'.  I've never before felt harassed and intimidated in my own home before, but I felt that tonight.  It's a very disappointing and discouraging feeling.  Especially considering that I had an ancestor who fought in the revolutionary war, for the founding of this nation.

Over the past year, I've deleted posts off my facebook timeline because of the hassle that arose from a simple post.  I've had to unfriend and block people, because they got mad that I deleted their comments off of my posts on my timeline.  Tonight I deleted several posts because the result of those posts was rather unpleasant.

I've learned to fear speaking my own mind.  On my blog, on my pages, in facebook groups, on my own facebook timeline.  What kind of world have we created?  When people fear sharing their thoughts and opinions in what is supposed to be the freest nation on earth?

We have a president who has just recently taken dictator-like actions in order to ensure that his immigration policies are turned into law.  We have a government that does it's own thing with little regard for the people it is supposed to serve.  And perhaps that is where the problem lies?  Has our government forgotten that it is there to serve the people?  Each and every person, and not just the majority of people?  Or certain interest groups.  Or big campaign contributors.

Is this where our government has become corrupted?  Does it now serve only certain people?  Cater to certain interest groups?

We have a society of people who feel they are entitled to a wide range of things, including the right to harass another person if they feel like it.  Bullying, both online and offline, has grown to an enormous problem; with the harassed people sometimes sadly resorting to suicide to escape the torment.  And that is sad beyond words.

Even as I write this blog post, I already fear what possible, unforeseen repercussions might spring up from my writing and posting it.

I've learned the value of doing what my many friends do, and not making all posts public.  I've learned that many things I have to say, I'm maybe best off to just say them in my own journal, that is just for me and no one else.

I've learned to fear . . .
fear what may arise from the words I want to share.

I've learned to just shut up and not say anything . . . 
because saying something may bring unpleasantness, and it's just simpler to keep my mouth shut and not say anything at all.

I've learned deep and abiding sadness . . . 
sadness over the state of our world now, and the insensitivity and/or inconsiderateness and/or thoughtlessness of people in general.

I long ago learned not to trust . . . 
and to be suspicious.

We live in a day and age where we are more technologically advanced than in any other.  But our ability to communicate with one another effectively seems to diminish on a daily basis.  We are losing our ability to understand one another, to care for our fellow man.

We know more about people all over the world, now more than ever, and can communicate easily with someone on the other side of the world.  But we have less and less sympathy and compassion for other people all the time.

The people of this world routinely play violent video games where the point of the game is to kill people.  But when a shooting occurs in a school, we call for the ban of real guns; while ignoring the influence of the fake guns and the violence in these video games.

I don't like the way I feel tonight, and there is a deep and abiding sadness residing in my soul;  as if something precious and irretrievable has died tonight.  Is dying in our world.  I do not care to think of what the future holds.  I will only strive to deal with the moment, focus on our own needs; while keeping my own counsel as much as possible, and being cautious about . . . . everything.
-- jd --